asleep at the wheel

So, I didn't get so very far with my attempt to recall and ancedotalize the various concerts I went to last year, or this year for that matter. Actually, I haven't been to a show since, I believe, Sarah Borges and the Broken Singles at Johnny D's, which was many months ago. The show was fantabulous, but it is and will always be wierd being the first person to start dancing. I love dancing way more than I care if I look like a complete idiot (I think that one goes without saying), so I just wiggled my way to the front where all the room inevitably is at bar shows like this one.
I can't really figure out if that's a courtesy to those who want to dance or what it is, but there's always this big gap right at the front when bands play bars.
Yes, I was totally self conscious for almost the entire show. I have to constantly make sure I'm not taking more space than is available or am just pissing someone off, which I always feel like I am. It's still not enough for me to keep the freak down. I just gotta throw my freak down as hard as is feasible and physically possible. Some people were built for comfort. Some people were built for speed. Me, I'm built to freak it on a dancefloor like no other man or woman alive.
And I'll take the pepsi challenge against ballerinas and nationally televised dance competition winners. I'll take it against those fools from the step up to the streets shiite, at least if we get in front of a live band and freak it off the cuff.
I might not take it against the original breakers from NYC back in the 70ies and early 80ies, but I'll go head to head with anyone on a dance floor with a live band. The band is the crucial element. Because my dancing is what I call proactively reactive dance and isn't dramatic or performative. I'm responding instantly and spontaneously to the music as it's happening. Not performing a prechoreographed routine. It's admittedly a very different skillset, and the one thing that I have that most dancers don't is an exceptionally interconnected auditory cortex and sensorimotor cortex, which means that the sounds are being directly translated into movement without the intermediation of the neocortical rational processes.
I can respond almost instantly (assuming good health and cardiovascular strenght and not too much alcohol) to the sounds in the form of movement. There was a time when I went to shows at least once a week, back when I lived in Memphis and there was good, cheap music just about every day of the week. And there was a time during that time, I think it only happened once, one night, but I could literally hear all the different musicians individual contributions individually and respond kinetically to all of them at the same time using various parts of the body. It was an intensity I hope to someday recapture.
First and fore most I gotta get my sorry ass back in shape. Right now I would imagine one good drum solo and I'd be all done. It's time to reclaim my abilities and take them to the next level.
Oh, and yes I have been keeping a video journal of the process of bringing dance into the home and working with choreography and whatnot, but the results are just too embarassing right now to post. Once I've got myself solid, in shape, and really kinestetically aware and able to use that awareness to create...I don't actually know what my goals are in bringing this style of dancing into the performative realm.
I do know that dancing can unlock emotional and spiritual experiences that most people have no idea even exist. True exstatic (sic?) dancing is like no other experience in the world. It truly unlocks potential creative forces I never would've guessed were there. I'm sure there are plenty of experiences that I've never had that others would say are must haves, but I think this is different. This is about reconnecting with the spirit in a way that infuses the whole body with an intense sense of meaning, purpose, and pure spirit. I know that sounds all hippy dippy, but just look for a second. What organized religions use dance as an intrical part of their worship, not many. Now how many of the pre-industrial non-western societies use it? Almost all of them. And who is it that's hijacking the planet? Well, maybe not just the organized religions, but there's an important point in there. I've just gone way to far in a blog entry to try and get any farther at it.